New Hairdo: The Blago

Since I am now a fully fledged blogger, I feel like I need a new hair style.  I’m thinking of switching to the “Blago,” the highly protective hair style currently popularized (patent pending) by celebrity ex-governor Rod Blagojevich.  I think that my hair has the luster and body to make it happen, not to mention I have the f#*&in’ attitude to pull it off.   My local mafia barber can easily handle the cut, and I can hold it neatly in place with military grade hair gel.  Desert Storm brand hair gel is the best on the market and costs 4000 bucks an ounce.    Let me assure you that for the feeling of security I get when face my critics it’s worth every penny.  It was made before Operation Desert Storm was ever launched and is based on holding hair in place during an actual desert storm.    The first desert storm was actually in the 80’s when Reagan applied a test batch of this stuff to his helmet before his stand off with Kadhafi.   By the way, you would not believe how ridiculous the prices are for military grade styling products and toiletries right now.   Hair styling technology is so advanced these days, that as long as you can grow hair, you can literally have any hair you want.  With some cash and a skilled stylist, you could have any of the styles pictured here.  You can have any length, color, cut, curl, implant, frizz, dreadlock, weave, braid, or fro imaginable.    Speaking of high tech hair, due to the military grade quality of my Blago, I will be able to withstand criticism of any kind.  Even though it is clear that I am crooked, I will be able to adamantly deny any wrongdoing regardless of the evidence against me.    Unlike other armor used by the U.S. military, they build the best goddamn hair helmets in the world.  Top brass take so much fire from critics that a rugged hair helmet is crucial.   True to his roughneck reputation, Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf did not wear a hair helmet when he stormed the desert of Iraq.  Real cowboys don’t need helmets.    Like many fine but not so macho statesman before me, my Blago brand hair helmet will help me to fend off all criticism, criminal charges, and carpet blogging by angry extremists in the blogosphere.

The Blago. Talk to the hair.     A formidable helmet in his day You too can have the split microwaved poodle! One for each day of the week? The Wolf. His helmut is wired with GPS.   Stormin' Norman. Not even circumcised.